I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
