I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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