look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
