I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
