I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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