I think my fart just growled at me.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
