i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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