did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
