I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
