after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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