I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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