That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
