We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
