I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
