I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
