This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
