the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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