I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
