did you get engaged???
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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