she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
