this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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