The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
