I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
