Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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