my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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