Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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