Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
