I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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