hell yes lets make some ravioli
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
