Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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