He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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