Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
