I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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