all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
