This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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