You smell like stripper and shame
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
