9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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