Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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