one word: firstdatebathroomanal
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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