Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
