I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
