Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
