Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
