Duck Duck Cougar?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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