she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
