Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
