i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
