If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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