She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
