No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
