Tell her she can't have a vagina
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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