How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
