I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
